You sirs; busy.

We're overwhelmed. Our legs hurt, our ears hurt (thanks to one show in particular) and our 100% accurate machines are very much worse for wear. One of them, in fact, is no more. A sad day, I'm sure you'll all agree.

So many things happened, we've opted to limit our reviews to a maximum of 12 words. You know, keep it snappy. There shall be a maximum of 1 link/photo to accompany each review.

Last Tuesday was a pedestrian start to the week with a new show at Ikon Gallery. Which we missed. But we promise we'll go soon.

Wednesday was VIVID's new show, which, contrary to entering 'vivid' into google, did not yeild hardcore pornography.

Haroon Mirza's show The Last Tape was - Flyspray projection with added revolution of a radio-tacular.

Thursday was the opening to the latest TROVE (art galleries are loving the capslock these days), and a portion of the Coventry University MA Art Shows. We've seen these since then too and can safely say

Sing Silent Songs - Turn off your speakers and click on this. Very enjoyable.

Coventry MA - Opening to 'Enter The Void'. Words. Flashing Lights. Improvement = Dark.

And then, Friday. Friday started with Eastside Projects, which had two shows, though we'll review them both in the same ten words. Then Ikon Eastside's + AVPD, followed by Grand Union showing Jamie Shovlin, and then Inside Out Festival on the other side of a road.

Eastside Projects Jennifer Tee + Elizabeth McAlpine - Fucking hell solid marble obelisk + some projectors + pots + rugs.

Ikon Eastside AVPD Hitchcock Hallway -Like climbing into our mind, stealing our thoughts and making them better.

Grand Union Jamie Shovlin - Like the bullets that explode your head on impact via horror + noise.

Inside Out Festival - The most inside out bit = shhhh-ing band trying to calm a party.

...

Ah crap, the bits where we were meant to include a photo/link didn't happen too well. And those reviews were pretty un-insightful. So here is a video of some probably endangered species getting pissed on fruit to entertain you instead.

P.S. How are all y'all beards?

Save The Arts (And Us!)

The last few days or so (how many days is a 'few days or so'? - we're pitching for about 11.4) have seen a load of famous, profound, influential, but most importantly famous artists pitch a case that the arts need to be saved from some evil monsters or similar. Why wouldn't they. If the arts aren't saved, they don't exist. Or their jobs don't exist, something like that.

We're in a similar position. Without the arts, the need to kick-art-ass dwindles significantly. (Or, due to a lack of funds, the quality of art drops significantly, more bad art exists and our job becomes all the more invaluable. But let's not take that risk)

This campaign started with David Shrigley, saw some day-glow texted posters, and most recently saw Mark Wallinger do a thing. Many more have signed a petition. We've never been one for petitions in the past. But seeing as it only takes a couple of seconds to do, even if (like all the petitions we ever did before) it doesn't mean a whole load nor go anywhere, it's worth the punt.

We've conjured up an idea which will physically demonstrate our love for the arts. Our contribution to the efforts. We're growing arts-cuts-protest-beards. And we suggest that you do the same. Pass on this information to everyone you know and love. Here are some celebrities who thus far have shown their support:

Zach Galifianakis

Santa Claus

Religion Man

Sadly, Joaquin Phoenix has shaved off his beard having heard the news due to his vast hatred of the UK arts scene. Though it is a safe bet to assume that everyone you see from this moment onwards wearing a beard has joined our fight against cuts in arts funding. We look forward to seeing your beards, compadres!

You need to see this.

What could be more a representation of artistic perfection than a shoddy painting of some famous celebrity chefs having a roadside picnic? You may spot a few familiar faces in this phenomenal use of the worlds resources. Look out for your favourite here, chilling out in this delightful scene available for the bargain price of about a grand. It's literally got all the greats. In the photo we managed to crop out Keith Floyd (which we promise isn't because he's dead) sitting in the corner as close to Nigella Lawson as we all dream of. Oddly, Jamie is the only one who seems to want to cook. Though don't think too hard about that, because what is truly amazing is how the artist has managed to capture perfectly the shininess of Ainsley Harriott's head.

These are all witty observations, naturally, and it's easy to poke fun at a playful picture. The serious issue here is why Gordon has been segregated and confined to the other side of the road. Why? Perhaps because he is Scottish. Perhaps because he so persistently swears. The constant clapping of his hands to draw attention to himself like an ADHD child full of lemonade and skittles. Maybe because as the artist seems to have captured, because he is having a stroke. His dreadful wig? We don't know. But we definitely, absolutely 100% love this painting. It's fun. Good fun.

Well, that is if you excuse the tree (which you may see if you squint hidden in the shadow at the left) which has an unforgivably straight bottom.